Quivering peace

My peace gets shaken less often and less deeply than it used to.

But it still shakes.

I will get so hopped up on things working out and going smoothly that I'm jolted when something inevitably goes embarrassingly wrong.

Like running out of food at an event and dealing with angry, hungry people. Or cleaning up at the end of the night only to find that someone went through and ripped up stacks of our fliers advertising free after-school programs and adult ESL classes for the community.

How many times have I just wanted to give up the not so glamorous posture of serving because the outcome is not pleasing or particularly satisfying? A lot of the time I'm surprised I'm still here. I think I'm in the process of working it out. I sense there's something profound happening to me and to others in the process, even if it's awkward, painful or maddening.

I hope to find my peace growing more and more stubborn in the face of disrespect, mistakes and misunderstanding as I push through.

Tonight I just want to forget it all, sink into my bed and sleep peacefully...then get up tomorrow ready to jump back in.